It is with great regret and sorrow that I hereby renounce my faith in Notre Dame football. I do this every winter, and have done so the last 8 or 9 times the Irish have appeared in and lost a bowl game.
My experience watching the Sugar Bowl went something like this: I missed half of the game due to the fact that I was balls deep in watching LeBron and Gerald at the Garden with La French and her little brother. Yeah, LeBron hit a 3/4 court shot. He's good. Anyway, I returned to watch the tail end of the Sugar Bowl and flipped on the game with about thirteen minutes left in the 3rd quarter. Notre Dame was down 21-14 but they had just caused and seemingly recovered a fumble in LSU territory and I was pumped. This feeling would last for only two minutes as the ref would ultimately determine that the ND corner didn't have possession of the ball before going out of bounds. LSU retained possession and never looked back, scoring 20 unanswered and throttling the Irish 41-14.
Notre Dame has lost its last NINE bowl games. They have not beaten a top 10 opponent in their last 16 tries, under Weis, Willingham and Davie. And it's not like they've been squeaked out by the best in the country. Just this year, they were embarrassed by USC and Michigan and literally had to pull wins out of their asses to beat UCLA and MSU. I love Quinn, Samardzjia and McKnight. I hate their defensive backfield. I hate their special teams and did I mention that their DB's are a fucking joke? Can't win without a respectable D in college. I don't care who your coach is, who your QB is...you just can't.
It's all going to be okay, though. Charlie Weis will ultimately bolster his D when he realizes that it's the only way he's going to bring a title to South Bend. Oh, and there's a young man by the name of Jimmy Clausen on his way to town, my friends. Say goodbye to Oaks Christian and hello to ND, Jimmy. He's the top rated QB in the country right now...6'3, 218 lbs., cannon arm and a great family tree. He'll wear #3 at ND, but not until Darius Walker graduates. Montana wore #3. Yeah, so did Powlus and Mirer, but Jimmy will restore my faith in ND QB's who wear #3. He's going to be that good, trust me. He will win the Heisman by 2011 and ND will be the National Champion by then, too. If all of this should pan out, I will become a priest.
I've gotta vent about Boston cabbies for a minute here. Yesterday morning I took a cab from La's apartment back to my own and for the third time in a row, we get halfway to the destination and the cabbie informs me that he has no change. That's right, a cab driver with no change. Nothing infuriates me more than this. First of all, don't wait until we're almost there to tell me that. Second of all, it's not like you don't know that you're going to need change at some point over the course of the day. You drive a cab, for fuck's sake. Come prepared. Next time this happens, I'm just gonna say that it's quite a coincidence that he has no change because I have no money. That makes us even, right?
Finally, for the first time ever I have decided to give you my picks for this weekend's slate of playoff games. It's too much during the regular season to figure out all of those games. Four is enough.
Home team in CAPS:
Dallas vs. SEATTLE (-5.5)
I know they haven't looked very good as of late, but I have to believe that Seattle will rise to the occasion here. Romo will shit the bed in this game.
New York vs. PHILADELPHIA (-3)
I can't see the Giants winning this game. I just can't. Can you?
Kansas City (+3) vs. INDY
I don't about this one. But I think LJ is going to go OFF of Indy's Efense (Defense without the D? No good?) Take the over in this one though, even if it's 244.
New York vs. NEW ENGLAND (-9.5)
I think the Pats will win this game by two touchdowns, plain and simple. Belichick wants to put 'Mangenius' in his place, and I'd want to embarrass anyone with that nickname. I much prefer Bitchtits Belichick.
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4 comments:
A few things, sir:
1. It's about time you gave up on ND, considering you're also a die hard Michigan fan. That's like really liking Pepsi and absolutely loving Coke. It's one or the other.
2. Judging by the time you get to work, I'm assuming that you're getting into these cabs every morning at the beginning of the new cabbie shift.
3. Where in the world did you find a sportsbook that is only giving the Chiefs three points?? Great googily moogily...
Good day to you.
and the Giants as well.
Listen Levine, take them or leave them but these are my picks. You've been witness to my picks in the past, have you not? Your surprise here is shocking.
And yes, I've been getting into these cabs very early. But does a hotdog vendor open his cart without change for the customers? I rest my case.
As for ND...I'll give up on Michigan before I give up on ND. But it's not one or the other for me. I want both. I WANT BOTH. It's a struggle, but isn't everything when you're French?
next time the cabbie tries to f you like that, just do what my buddy stenj did once when he was hammered in chicago, and has now made a staple of his everyday life: get out of the cab and take off running. make sure you have you cell phone on silent though; once he was hiding in a tree and the resourceful cabbie, who had been chasing him, found him when his phone rang.
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