Thank you to the graciously ungracious Drew Bledsoe for telling it like it is in his must-read blog about the incomparable Tony Homo. Er, Romo. If you aren't reading Bledsoe's blog daily, get to it. It's glorious.
I've been perusing ESPN.com this morning and I just read the QB rankings for 32 starters in the league right now. Where stands the next Tom Brady? Right above my favorite NFC North QB, JP Losman. Just awesome, considering the same website that claimed Romo to be a fantasy stud and great for keeper leagues also refers to Losman as Loserman. And now they're neck-and-neck for one of the worst QB's in the league currently. I don't doubt that Romo, under the right tutelage, can still flourish in the NFL and make a name for himself as a proven winner. But as quickly as he rose to the top of everyone's dick-to-suck list, he's fallen just as quickly into everyone's make-like-Saddam-and-get-hanged list. Here's a look at the worst QB's in the NFL right now.
I have to start with my least favorite QB, Eli Manning. He pouts, he hangs his head in shame and he makes throws that Pop Warner QB's are yelled at for making; the difference is that the Pop Warner QB learns to STOP making those throws. It's the Giant defense that's deficient, isn't it? If I'm Eli, I'm just trying not to lose the game because I've got Tiki, Shockey, Plax and good O-line that should produce for me. Yet he finds a way to give it to Giant fans right in the ass, week after week. Overriding factor: They're in the playoffs. No one has ever limped into the playoffs in such grand fashion. The Giants made it to the final table with Queen-high and a 10-kicker.
Next, Tony Romo. 'I've been saying all along that this guy would prove me right and absolutely shit the bed before too long. Heyooo, thanks Ton'! In six games against teams who averaged 11 losses this season (yes, ELEVEN!), big T's average rating was 128.8. Ok, nice work. However, in games against teams who averaged 9.5 wins this season, his average rating was 68.7. And that's against some very suspect defenses like Indy. The numbers don't lie, folks. Romo is a hack (but GOOD LORD, Carrie Underwood is hot) and the Cowboys won't go anywhere in the playoffs. Again though, they're in...Lord help us all.
David Carr is third on my list. DO SOMETHING, David. I didn't have the highest hopes for you coming out of Fresno but I had visions of a decent career. QB's who wear #8 in Texas are supposed to be good, man. Granted, your supporting cast is suspect but Andre Johnson is legit and you've got good TE play. Stop sucking, would you? DO SOMETHING. At least you're not in the playoffs, though. Enjoy your hot wife...at least you have that going for you. Nevermind, you're ultra religious. Yikes.
Finally I turn to Big Ben Roethlisberger. I felt for the guy this offseason when he crashed his bike and almost ruined his whole career way too early. But it's becoming more and more difficult to believe that he's what he pretended to be last season. He absolutely laid an egg this year and yes, maybe he was rusty when he came back. Maybe he's not the same since the injury. Either way, he sucks right now. No Steelers in the playoffs? I had them locked for a 2 or 3 seed in the preseason. I think they need to give Brian St. Pierre a shot. Much love, SJP. Fuck Xaverian.
There you have it, the cream of the QB crop. But not creme fraiche...I'm talking the cream that forms at the corners of the mouth when you're dehydrated and is usually associated with disgusting human beings. Keep looking up at Tom and Peyton and maybe someday you can breathe the same air as they do. But don't count on it.
Total Digression:
The 'Asparagus Lady' served up her famous asparagus chowder at the annual asparagus festival in Stockton California last April, incorporating 50 lbs of asparagus, 30 lbs of onions, 40lbs of broccolli and God knows how much butter. "You don't want to know the amount of butter I use in this stuff!", exclaimed the Asparagus Lady. She also noted that her pee smells positively horrendous.
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