Shortly after 10am this morning, I entered the men's latrine here at work for my regular meeting. Today was extra special because I had just downloaded unlimited Sudoku to my phone and I was really looking forward to that twenty-some-odd minutes of working one out. I was also looking forward to the puzzle.
I finished the mid-level Sudoku in just under nine minutes, which was a little disappointing. However, I felt okay about it because I weathered a few daydreams along the way, which certainly took away from my concentration on the puzzle. Upon leaving the stall, I noticed the President and CEO of the company was leaving his meeting as well, so I acknowledged him and proceeded to the sink. He proceeded to the door and walked out.
Now, I don't claim to be the cleanest of Frenchmen. In fact, I got up so late today that my only option was to re-up the deodorant, comb the hair and brush the teeth before I left. Not really an issue considering the fact that I work for a manufacturing company in Franklin and pretty much everyone here is a total slob. But I digress...the hand-washing post-meeting is not negotiable. It doesn't matter if the fucking fire alarm goes off in the middle of your meeting and you have to interrupt the meeting to get out...you wash your hands before you walk out of that latrine. Think about it this way: you just had, for all intents and purposes, your fingers/part of your hand UP YOUR ASS, making a wiping motion. Sure, the paper provides a barrier between the hand and the fecal matter but for one, the TP in our latrine is like using a sieve to wipe. Second, YOUR HAND WAS UP YOUR ASS. Seriously, I'm completely baffled by this one.
Here's a man, an educated man and a smart man, that chooses not to wash his hands after doing his duty. It's not like this is a forgetful thing, either. If anything, it might be the least forgetful action known to man. Because really, most people probably walk out of the stall thinking to themselves about how horribly it smells in that there stall. I'd venture to say that there's certain levels of pride exhibited much of the time, too. Regardless, your mind hasn't wandered away from the very recent events too much by the time you walk by the sink. So it's a conscious decision to not wash those assy hands. I just can't believe anyone could realistically forget. So my President/CEO, who makes key economic and social decisions for this company on a daily basis--decisions that affect the lives of many--decides not to wash his hands after potty time.
I ask you, would it have been totally unacceptable for me to call him out on this after I saw him pass by the sinks? I could have said something like, "Dude, are you totally serious right now? Wash your fucking hands." Or maybe, "Um, sir? Yeah, I couldn't help but notice that you just stunk up the whole bathroom. And I was just wondering why you didn't make a little stop by Mr. Sink here to wash the residual shit off of those billion-dollar hands?" What's he gonna say at that point? I have to imagine that he'd turn around and wash them, right? Or just fire me on the spot.
Conclusion: La French, if hypothetically we have a Christmas party and you hypothetically come with me, under no hypothetical circumstances are you to hypothetically shake this man's hands. Hypothetically speaking. You know, this kind of reminds me of that part in Mallrats when they give Brandi's father the bag of chocolate-covered pretzels...
***La Disclaimer***
(I think once you meet a girl's mom it's really safe to drop the censors, you know? I mean shit, when you talk about the art of giving head and why Jewish women excel in this arena, there's nothing shocking anymore, right?)
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