Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Uncle

This was too good not to post...my roommate sent this email to my new female friend (who will be referred to as La French from here on in) in regards to finding him female representation.

For clarification, 'b n b' refers to one's bread and butter, or favorite thing. i.e., La French is my newest b n b.

My dearest La French,

So I hear you're heading out tonight. Just a quick note to remind you what your role will be tonight and every other night for as long as you are involved with Le French.

1. As my roommate's "girlfriend", it is your solemn duty to try and find this guy, i.e. the Uncle, a new b n b. Now I know b n b is a new term for you but I think you can figure it out. (By the way, I put "girlfriend" in quotes because I know some people get freaked out by the word.)

2. Just some quick requirements or characteristics that would be nice for a new b n b for me to have:

a) Must have a personality...I don't need someone that when I talk to her it's like pulling teeth. They gotta be outgoing and friendly and like my friends.

b) Must be attractive. This is sort of an addendum to part a above because whenever a girl tries to set you up with someone the canned response is, "She's got a really good personality. You'll like her." And then you meet the girl and she has horns.

c) This isn't really related to finding me a woman friend, but you gotta get me some sort of gig in movies. I mean, your Dad is apparently the living equivalent to Aaron Spelling for Christ's sake. C'mon, I'm attractive, funny, witty, attractive, funny...let's make this happen. Also, I feel as though if I scored some nice acting/movie gig I would no longer have lady problems.

d) No skanks. I'm 26 and have been around long enough to have a few one night stands. Actually, I was so hot this summer that my friends deemed it the "Summer of Carl". I do alright in the one night variety, but I need a girl I can actually put up with for more than one night.

e) no high maintenance. I cannot stand girls who are 1)easily jealous and 2)need me to do EVERYTHING for them. If I wanted someone like this I would have stayed with all my major ex's.

I suggest you print this and possibly carry it around with you in your bag for quick reference.

Thank you in advance for all the efforts made on my behalf. And don't think of this as a job...think of it as helping a friend out. After all, you're not getting paid but at least it's good karma.

Regards,

The Uncle

p.s. I have business cards in case you ever need some to distribute