Scrambled Eggs

Add salt to taste.

1. The Colts were welcomed home by 40,000 screaming and appreciative fans at the RCA Dome yesterday. My problem with this is, the dome seats 60,500 people. There is no fucking way that Gillette doesn't fill up to welcome back the Pats. This just further proves that Indy fans are entirely half-assed about the love for their team. Give me a break. Believe me, I think Indy deserved to win the Superbowl after taking care of the Pats. But if I were a Colt player, I'd be pretty disappointed to look up in the stands at our welcoming party to see 20,000 empty seats.

2. I still don't get why anyone is a fan of NASCAR. I listened to D&C babble on this morning about how not-fun the sport is to watch, and I couldn't agree more. There is no thinking involved from a fan's perspective, it's loud as FUCK, long as all hell and I can't think of anything more boring to do in a 4-hour stretch of time...except maybe watch hockey. I don't understand the lure of this sport. A caller on EEI this morning remarked that the sport requires more endurance than any other. Excuse me? I'm sorry, I guess you've never heard of the Tour De France, or the Iron Man Challenge, or ANY OTHER SPORT for that matter. This guy's claim was staked around the fact that the car's seat is uncomfortable and that it's really hot in the car. Well, I drove to work this morning with my heat on high, going 140MPH while sitting on a sneaker and it wasn't that bad.

3. Can someone explain to me the difference between a bowtie and a bear claw? Aren't they both just over-sized glazed donuts that are shaped differently?

4. My company is hell bent on keeping the same musak channel active in our office and it's driving me crazy. I hear Low Rider about three times a day, not to mention Meatloaf and Bob Seger. I can deal with Seger and most of the other shit, but Low Rider is absolutely killing me. I can hang my hat on the fact that the first time it comes on in a given day, the guy next to me will be whistling the chorus until the end of the day. I can't take it anymore. I find myself daydreaming about stabbing him to the beat of the song: "The ma-che-te has a sharp tip, now. The ma-che-te has a rubber grip, now." I sing this as I bob my head and casually stab him repeatedly. But alas, it's just a daydream. Sigh.

5. Is it weird that I like to use a paperclip to clean my ears at work? The rounded edge is superior to the cutip when it comes to digging for chunks of wax. Give it a shot sometime and report back to me on your findings. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

6. One of the more underrated scenes in Billy Madison occurs when Sandler is playing ball with the middle schoolers. After draining a mid-range J when he's left open, he gets in the face of the kid who was supposed to be guarding him and says, "Oh my dear Lord! Never leave me open, son. 'Cause I'm gonna hit it every time. You want some more of this? I didn't think so." Really good stuff.