I Hate Cops.

I wanted to title this entry with something much more creative and fun and all that shit, but when it came down to it, I couldn't do it because this one kept coming back to me. And I realize that the majority of us claim to hate cops for several different reasons and my thinking here is entirely unoriginal, but it's 100% TRUE. I fucking hate cops...most of them.

I'm driving home with La last night, just after picking her up at the hotel after work. As we approach a light on Atlantic Ave in downtown Boston, a figure appears in front of my car as I slow down. It took me a second to make out what exactly was in front of me, but eventually (and at the last second) I realize that it's a guy with his hand out, signaling me to stop where I am. I have to apply quick pressure to my brake pedal in order to avoid taking the guy out, but I really couldn't see him until the last second. It was dark out, he wasn't wearing a reflective piece of clothing, etc. So after I bring the car to a halt, this guy, who I eventually see is a cop, comes up to my window and motions for me to roll it down. I do as he asks and once it's cracked a little, he says "What's the matter, you can't stop where I asked you to? Give me your license." I tell him that I couldn't see him right at first, but he barks back that I was looking into his eyes the whole time. So I hand him my license and he walks away.

As I wait for him to return, La and I try to figure out what, if anything, this greaser with a gun could possibly write me up for. I offered reckless driving, even though that was extremely far-fetched. But clearly this dickbag wanted to fuck with me. A few minutes later, he returns to my window and I roll it back down.

"Here you go. You'll receive paperwork in the mail."

"Can I ask what you're giving me a ticket for, officer?"

"Yeah, for not paying attention. You can't stop where I asked you to and you almost hit my knees."

"For not paying attention? But I stopped the car, man. I didn't see you right away."

"Keep runnin' your mouth. I'll get you on assault. Now go ahead, right lane."

Yep. Assault. I was fucking STEAMED at this point, but La alertly asked me softly to stop talking and just go. What I wanted to do was jump out of the car, kick the guy in the balls and sodomize him with his little baton but alas, driving away was the smart thing to do. But was this guy kidding? Assault? I didn't realize that asking a simple question-a fair question, at that-is considered assault in this fine state. We've got spineless d-bags like Patrick Doyle getting a mere six months of minimum-security time for drugs and ignoring the repeated rape of a 9 year-old girl ([http://www.salemnews.com/punews/local_story_044121416] — the sentence was reduced to 6 months) and this cop wanted to take me in on a fabricated assault charge. I'm telling you, 95% of the police force are those macho pricks from high school who are still over-compensating for some deficiency and they make up for it by bullying people and abusing their positions, such as that which an officer of the law carries. I understand, Officer McShitstain, that you're pissed because they stuck you on traffic detail in 5° weather during rush hour. But for all of those good cops out there who actually want to preserve justice and serve it honorably, there's two dozen cops like you who are disgracing those good ones.

I don't want to leave off on a sour note today because it's Friday and there's a long weekend upon us. I hope to have an enjoyable weekend, and here are a few suggestions for you to aid in enjoying yours.

1. Watch the NBA Slam Dunk Contest on Saturday night. You can spare an hour to see Gerald 'G Money' Green defy gravity and make your jaw hit the floor. He will win it, and he will let everyone know who Gerald Green is...at least, those who don't already know.

2. Go to RedSox.com and check in on pitchers and catchers. They report to Ft. Myers today and position players report on Monday. FINALLY...baseball is within telescopic range. We're mere weeks away from Dice-K Delerium...from Papi Pandemonium...from Manny Mayhem...from Drew Doldrums (I'm being purposefully pessimistic on him; what if he actually turns out to be a good pick up? Bonus.) I am FUCKING AMPED. My only quandary is what jersey to pick up. I recently retired my Trot jersey...I'm thinking Youk. Yooooooooooouk. Can't wait to hear that shit again.

3. Do something you haven't done in a long time, like go to the batting cages or the dollar cinema. Reason being, it's balls cold out there and we could all use a little summertime reminder like the cages, or indoor mini-golf, or a blizzard from Dairy Queen. Treat yourself. Do it.

4. Have a fucking donut. When's the last time you went to Dunkin or Twin Donuts and had a Boston Cream? Or a French Cruller? Get your ass out there and eat a donut, would you?

Whatever you choose to do, have great long weekend. For another way you can donate to the Cure for Breast Cancer cause, visit http://www.mass.gov/rmv/express/plates.htm if you're a MA resident. These plates are an easy and effective way to support the search for a cure.