A 107 year-old man from Hong Kong attributes his old age to abstinence...(http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/2/story.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10425886) Apparently, this guy has not had sexual intercourse since he was 30 years old. He also smokes butts and may be trying to quit, but only if he's no longer able to legally buy them. Further, his latest physical examination showed that he has unusually healthy and strong wrist and forearm muscles.
We all know this guy...he's the guy who everyone referred to as the social leper in high school; the guy who showed up at the prom with one of the following three things: 1) his sister, 2) a blow-up doll, 3) a hooker. Is there any legitimately rational reason why anyone in his right mind would give up sex when he's 30? Other than the fact that he can't find a single woman who is willing to voluntarily have sex with him? There's just no way. And I cannot IMAGINE how much this guy beats off. I really cannot even begin to fathom the number over the last 77 years...
Another Reuters article talks about a Chinese Businessman who is advertising for someone to stand in and let his wife beat the piss out of her for $573 for every ten minutes, in order to satisfy his wife's anger and urge to pummel his mistress. (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/2/story.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10425965) I wonder if this guy had a conversation with his wife about this one (as translated from their native Mandarin)...
Wife: "You cheat on me? Who with? I beat her."
Husband: "No, you no beat her...I find replacement mistress and you beat her so you no mess up face of real mistress."
Wife: "Ok, but you make sure replacement about same age."
Husband: "Yes, and I pay her 3000 yuan for every ten minute you beat her."
Wife: "Ok, and you still get to fuck current mistress as long I beat replacement whenever I want and you pay for it."
Husband: "You have deal."
I find that news stories from the Far East are far more amusing than those of our own kind. I mean seriously, where else can you find a man who not only gets away with cheating on his wife, but he makes money off of it? Simply incredible. And in case you've been curious about our Cambodian jungle friend from January, there's not much more to report as of late. Apparently she's still expressionless, doesn't talk and appears to miss being in the jungle where she knows how to live. Shocking. I wonder if her family is really surprised by this. Reportedly her father assures people that she will soon marry and have children but for now, they're trying to get her to do something more than grunt and burble. I'm not sure at what point he will deem her ready to bear children, but maybe if she can graduate to hissing and squeaking, that would be a step in the right direction. The same father says she also looks so much like her mother...interestingly an ape was recently interviewed who said the jungle woman sounds just like her daughter. The jungle woman grunted in agreement. I guess we'll never really know the real story, unless we find someone who can translate grunts and burbles. What exactly is a burble, anyway?
bur·ble Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[bur-buhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -bled, -bling, noun–verb (used without object)
1. to make a bubbling sound; bubble.
2. to speak in an excited manner; babble. –noun
3. a bubbling or gentle flow.
4. an excited flow of speech.
5. Aeronautics. the breakdown of smooth airflow around a wing at a high angle of attack.
Well there you go. I'm thinking this is a common sound made by babies, as they make spit bubbles in their mouths.
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