25 September 2006

Guy v. Guy


It's always an interesting situation when you have two dudes who are interested in the same girl and the dudes happen to be good friends as well as roommates. It certainly makes for solid entertainment.

Take my roommate for instance. He's been on a ridiculous hot streak since the beginning of the summer in reference to women and he's hoping to keep it alive through the Fall and into the Winter. I'm not a seasonal guy when it comes to the hunt, but lately the fields have been barren of any fatted game. His cup has runeth over, however and of course now that I have a few things on the horizon, he has felt the desire to enter the mix and see who's got more game. Bad news for me. Here's why:

1. I'm fucking lazy. I'm not someone who will go out of my way to land a lady. I don't like to approach, I hate calling and I don't go on dates. My hope is that she will approach me, push me up against the wall and do her thing and ultimately we'll end up in my bed later on that evening.

2. I can't dance. I very uncomfortable on the dance floor. I liken my general state of mind in those situations to that of a feline in water. If you've ever seen this, you know exactly what I am referring to. I don't know what hit me, but I know the only thing on my mind is GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. Unless I'm drunk beyond recognition, in which case I'm fine.

3. I hate the whole process of going out with a girl. Why can't it be acceptable to do it caveman style, wherein you could just point your finger at a woman, beckon for to wander in your direction and then she's yours, in your cave at all times and expected to procreate with you? That would be ideal.

So I will undoubtedly lose this battle. I do have a few bullets left in the chamber though. Unfortunately my roommate has ZERO fear of rejection, a ton of charm with women and good-smelling cologne. He's favored by 5 1/2 with the current conquest, who shall remain nameless. There will certainly be some hijinx along the way with any of these battles though. For instance, we stumbled up two new birds this weekend who happen to live very close by. We ended up in their apartment at 3am on Saturday and I was in NO SHAPE to be social. Factor in my general distaste for the whole courtship process and you have my nickname for the night as assigned by one of these new ladies: 'Les Miserables'. Need I say more?

No comments: