Anger Management

If only real life were like Spy Hunter. It's apparent to me that my bad moods are almost always spawned on my drive to work in the morning. Granted I listen to Dennis and Callahan and their political views positively make my blood boil, but their sports commentary and the 20/20 Sports Flash are what keep me interested. They were interviewing Adalius Thomas this morning at 9am but that's far too late for me...I would really have loved to hear that interview. Anyway, I digress..the morning commute and how it pertains to my anger. And how it pertains to Spy Hunter and why we could all use some of that in real life to make things a little more bearable.

This morning carried a prime example of why I get so pissed when I'm driving. You should know that no matter where I am going, I'm in the passing lane because the fools on the inside always go the exact speed limit. I can't hang with these people because I am really fucking impatient. It has nothing to do with me needing to go fast. I drive a Saturn, for Christ's sake. I just can't stand to be driving any longer than I should be at any given time. And I drive a lot. Here's what sets me off. This morning I'm in my usual position in the Mass Turnpike...travelling at about 80mph in the passing lane and settled into the usual flow of traffic on any given morning. Enter asshole in black Chrysler 300M behind me, with Delaware plates. From the SECOND he started to tail me I knew I was going to end up fuming at this d-bag.

So he tails me for a solid mile or two, but there's nowhere for me to go. I'm not going to move into the right lane because I'd never get back into the passing due to the long line of cars behind me. And I can't speed up any more because I'd end up in the back seat of the Honda Accord in front of me. So I let captain dicklips tail me until I can see that I can move into the right lane and keep my speed for a ½ mile or so. I figure this way, he'll just tail the guy in front of me until he moves and so on. But not the case. He follows me into the right lane after seeing there's nowhere he can go if he stays in the passing lane and he tails me again. Up goes the first bird of the morning, and it's not of the g-rated variety. I was already steamed by now, so I held the wheel with my left hand, turned fully around in my seat, looked right at the prick and fired a strong bird in his direction. He actually got off me a bit after this, but crept back up shortly thereafter. He then passed me on the left at first opportunity and looked into my car. You guessed...second bird of the day rears itself, but only now it was the classic double bird with eye contact. Have a nice day, dipshit.

Here's where Spy Hunter comes into play. Remember that game? How you could leave oil slicks for those fuckers? Or shoot missiles at them? Picture yourself driving along and some d-bag gets all up on you. You load a special CD into your CD player and before you know it, Peter Gunn is blasting through your speakers and you're in full-on spy mode. Before long, you spot the weapons van ahead of you and you make your move up the ramp to get those fucking missiles and the smoke screen. Before long, you're on the asshole's tail and firing huge fucking missiles at the back of his ride and next thing you know, his car explodes and he dies instantly. Ipso Facto, no more bad mood. Problem solved with a little Spy Hunter on your morning commute.

Tuesday Tidbits:

I love the Wes Welker pickup by the Pats. This guys has been on the NFL's All-Unsung Team for the last two seasons and he's going to help us in a few areas...he'll give us another return option since Maro-ro will be the #1 TB, he'll give us a great hitch route runner and he's extremely reliable on 3rd downs. I'm not so thrilled about what we gave up, but hey. We all make sacrifices.

Gerald Henderson is such a bitch. If you saw the play against Tyler Hansbrough, you know what I'm talking about. And granted, I've hated Duke basketball for years but this was so far beyond an intentional foul. He should be out for the season, in my opinion. I wasn't aware that you lead with your elbow when you go to block a shot, Coack K. It's one thing to defend your players, but it's another thing to defend a huge pussy who doesn't know how to play the game the right way.

That new show 'The Winner' is actually worth a viewing if you get a chance. After one minute of it, I turned to La and made a comment about how bad it was, but after the first full episode, I laughed genuinely several times and the same can be said for the second episode.

***Cambodian Jungle Woman Update***

Hector Rifa of Psychologists without Borders and University of Oviedo (Spanish News), said the woman "made some words" and smiled in response to a game involving toy animals and a mirror.

I'm sorry, toy animals and a mirror? I'm curious, were the toy animals actually bags of a white, powdery substance? If not, what the fuck game were they playing? Cambodians are kinda weird.