For Starters...

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Boston Red Sox:

1. Julio Lugo, SS
2. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Manny Ramirez, LF
5. J.D. Drew, RF
6. Mike Lowell, 3B
7. Jason Varitek, C
8. Coco Crisp, CF
9. Dustin Pedroia, 2B

The rotation will most likely be represented by Schilling, Beckett, Matsuzaka, Papelbon and Wake or Lester and for a closer...perhaps Gagne or a player to be named later. Gagne would be a crapshoot, but he's French and if he could get back to pristine form, that's fucking solid. Any day in which I feel remotely at ease with the state of the Sox is a good day. Given my optimism with the pitching, however, the risk of being brought back down to the doldrums and beaten brutally by bad baseball decisions remains high. And my curiousity with what numbers Drew and Lugo would be is gone because we don't have Javy Lopez or Trot coming back. Henceforth, Drew will still be 7 and Lugo 23. I will address my sadness about Trot at a later date...and I sincerely hope he is appreciated wherever he goes. He's the original Dirt Dog, for Christ's sake. (save me your injury babble) Hey, is there anyway Pedroia avoids further comparisons to Eckstein? I hate Eckstein. I'm interested to see what number Pedroia goes with. Of course he had the typical call up number in the 60's last season (64), but I'm thinking he'll take 3 with Loretta gone. We'll see.

I'll conclude today with a little bit of a taste of the response I received from the faux X-mas list of the earlier in the week.

1. My Dad has since sent me two emails containing large-breasted women, one nude and the other scantily clad. The first, he dubbed an early Christmas present and the second, he dubbed a stocking stuffer. Effing awesome, Dad. Nice fucking work.

2. My sister-in-law found it riotous, apparently. But in the email asking me what my inspiration was, she proceeded to go into detail about why she's really depressed lately. Talk about an adverse effect.

3. One of my older brothers told me it was funny, but he got a much bigger rise out of the text message I sent him last Friday with a picture of a Twix Bar and simply the word "Twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix!" attached. Didn't see that one coming, but Mike's a weird dude. I guess the apple falls not far...you know what, I'm gonna start using a different cliche in place of the apple one. Umm, how about "the lava doesn't flow far from the volcano"?

4. My mom didn't comment until I called her this morning at work to find out what she thought. I was concerned that she might take offense to the collared-shirt remark, even with the disclaimer. In an effort to make sure she was in high spirits before bringing it up, I pretended to be a parent of a hopeful student at her current employer (local high school) and I inquired about the quality of food in the cafeteria. She saw through it immediately, called me a brat and said she had to go...she'll call me after lunch. Needless to say, I have yet to hear back from her.

Happy Wednesday...once today is over, you are officially more than halfway done with your week. Yes, you are over the proverbial hump, my friend. For the record, I can't stand people who celebrate 'hump day'...especially by ad-libbing off of 'happy hump day' by saying 'happy humping'.

Judy in Cust. Svc.: "Happy humping, Chad."

Me: "Go fuck yourself."

Judy: "Hmm. Bad Wednesday, huh?"

Me: "GO FUCK YOURSELF."