You Don't Say...

I was reading a Q&A between Graham Bensinger and Brady Quinn and I learned some things about what it is to be Brady. The following is how I break down each of his answers to some of the really tough questions posed to Quinn during the interview.

Best part of college: The relationships

Which relationships, exactly? I'm pretty sure he got an inordinate amount of ass in college as the QB of Notre Dame, so he must be referring to females, right? Or does he mean teammates? I ask you, has anyone in the history of man ever said his favorite part of college was the relationships he had? My college relationships got me NOWHERE...not this ones with girls, not the one booze, not the ones with drugs. If anything, I've only managed to lose a few years of my life because of them. I call bullshit here, Brady. BULLSHIT.

Worst part of college: Rigorous work schedule

Ok, this one is fine. I can't imagine the rigors of balancing school work at an institution like ND and football practice, not to mention the aforementioned ass he got. Fair enough.

Five people I'd most like to invite to dinner: Jesus Christ, Babe Ruth, Marilyn Monroe, Don King, and Gandhi

I'm sorry, but if you put these five people at a dinner table it would be Armageddon before they served the goose liver pate. Babe would have Marylin bent over the table with a hotdog hanging out of his mouth, JC would instantly implode due to the presence of sin personified (Ruth) and King and Gandhi would be entrenched in a heated discussion about whether or not it's right that a white man like Quinn should be playing for a team called the Browns. You better revamp the guestlist, Brady. This one would be a bitch to cleanup.

Last book read: A textbook for class called, "Personal Finance for Dummies"

Somehow I can't see how personal finances are going to affect Quinn in the near future. He meant to say that the last book he read was called "Dealing with Depression: How to deal with tears on Draft day".

Last movie seen: Blades of Glory

Lied about this one, too. He couldn't get through the book on depression so he rented the movie instead.

Person most admired growing up: My parents

A manufactured answer for the former quarterback of Notre Dame. Sure, I admired my parents when I was growing up and I still do. But I also admired Joe Montana and Tony Rice a whole hell of a lot. It's just a good thing he didn't say Tim Couch.

Favorite video game: Fight Night

Eh, whatever. But it would have been a lot cooler if he had said Track and Field.

If I weren't a football player, I'd be: A professional basketball player

This is one of those layup questions where you're supposed to say something like, "I'd be a coach." What kind of answer is that? Self-important asshole. Although, if I weren't a salesman I'd be a professional football player. I would.

Dream date (if you didn't have a girlfriend): Carrie Underwood

I thought he said he admired his parents, not Tony Romo. And what's the big deal with Carrie Underwood, anyway? After all, he didn't even invite her to dinner with Jesus and the Babe. I'd be pissed.

Favorite meal: Some sort of Subway sandwich

Coming this Summer: Subway ads with Jared and Brady, showing Jared letting Brady get a taste of his six-inch.

No one would expect that I: Listens to a lot of rap and hip hop music

No one would expect that he likes playing football, either. What athlete doesn't listen to a lot of rap and hip-hop?