One Night at the Ballpark

What can I say, not every Fenway experience is "one of the best nights ever". Last night would best be categorized in the "not one of the best nights ever" section of Fenway nights.

Yes, I know the game was pretty sweet for those who fought the chilly breeze and the AA performance of our Seibu Savior (AA as in minor league). However, La and I sat in the bleachers for the first time this season and our experience was less than memorable, depending on how you look at it. Of course, I'll probably never forget the dude in front of us yelling "Hey, Papelschlong!" for about 15 minutes in the 8th inning. But I'd like to. Here's a look at the good and the bad of last night's contest against the Mariners.

Good: The Aramark vendors at Fenway. They must put the new guys in the bleachers because there were a handful of kids slinging sports bars and waters out there. I say 'kid' because they were kids. A few of them could not have been a day over 15. There was one in particular that stood out to me...the sports bar kid. He was that one vendor that has the perfect Boston accent and the ideal item to peddle with that very accent. "Spohts Bahs, heeyah; spohts bahs, right heeyah." Over and over, perfectly intonated and projected each time. At one point, he stopped right in front of us and launched one up, several rows above. He shot a look of regret as he didn't hit his target with the ice cream bar, and then received a series of mixed boos and cheers. The same kid who was yelling at Papelbon later on yelled that he hoped the kid was paid by the hour...a remark that fell about fifty yards short of making any sense at all. Keep up the great work, Aramark.

Bad: Most fans in the bleachers. I gotta tell you, if you're looking to take in a game and get lambasted, yell obscenities and nearly fight everyone within a 20-seat radius of you, this is your territory. It's just not my scene these days. I'm extremely focused at games, or I try to be. I can't deal with the distractions in the bleachers anymore. You got drunk schmucks at every turn who aren't even watching the game, fathers trying to shut the drunks up because they, for some ungodly reason, decided to take little Jimmy to the bleachers for a game, and then you've got the Varitek contingency of larger teen girls who yell things like, "'Tek! Impregnate me!", or the classier version, "Jason, I'm giving myself up to you!" These girls gross me out to no end. I can't understand why drunk kids at Fenway yell at Sox players while they're in the field. "Wily Mo!!!! Willaaaaay! Mooooooo! Up here! You da man, Wily Mooo! Wily Joooooe! Silly Moooooo! Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooo!" Shut the FUCK UP. Are you trying to distract him? He already plays right field like Jose Canseco. Just let Wily Mo be. Here's a novel idea: Yell at the opposing team's fielders while they're in the field. Or even better, don't talk at all unless there's a homerun by the Sox.

Look, I'm not a Fenway snob. I don't give a hoot where I sit because every game I'm at, I'm just thankfully happy to be there again. But I can't stand it when other people make the game an unenjoyable experience. I know the lot of you agree with me, here. Sure, I may have been a little rowdy at some point in my fan career at Fenway but I've never been inconsiderate of the surrounding fans. And if I've ever been absurdly drunk at a game (maybe twice), I've left. I don't stick around to see how many different things I can say that sound remarkably like a Helen Keller impression. Example:

Kid in front us, to the left--progression of "Let's Go, Red Sox!" chant:

First Inning: "Let's Go, Red Sox!"

Third Inning: "Less Go, Ressox!"

Fifth Inning: "Leffgo, Redox!"

Seventh Inning: "Essco Ledfox!"

Ninth Inning: (thud...stumbles clumisly into bleacher wall) "Ahhhh...my beeyah...I sffplilled my beeyah...DUUUUUDE...goooooo fooooooossssss!"

It should be another interesting night next Monday, as La and I journey back out to the bleachers--the upper bleachers--for a game against the Tigers. More to come on that experience.