I think I have the answer to the world's problems...and by the world, I am of course referring to anyone you've pissed or need to make amends with. Or maybe someone you don't know that you want to make a good impression on, like your girl/boy's parents. Or maybe a new teacher that looks like she'll be a real bitch to deal with unless you get on her good side. The answer? Cupcakes.
Cupcakes have been a part of my life for like, a really long time and I'm sure the same goes for you. I cannot recall a single instance in which a cupcake didn't make me feel instantly happy to be alive. If I went to a bake sale in elementary school, I headed straight for cupcakes and then over to the table with the ice cream cones filled with cake batter and frosting on top...basically just a cupcakes in a cone, but a massively delicious idea and less mess than the paper wrapper. But the paper wrapper always added a little something extra for me because you can pop it in your mouth and chew it. It's like cake gum. You may think that's gross but it's awesome. You should do it the next time you have a cupcake. Trust me.
Imagine you're a new teacher at some school and every other student trying to brown nose gives you a shiny apple. Thanks, but seriously. I don't know where that whole trend started but an apple takes ZERO effort and it's not going to separate any kid from another unless it's the greatest apple ever grown. And even in that case, I'm not sure you'd have a leg up because who's going to believe you that it really is the greatest apple ever? That's too tall of a tale, my friend. But if you show up at my desk on the first day of school and slide a perfect little cupcake over to me, you've not only got it made in that class but I'll probably see to it that you also gain certain other immunities and good fortunes throughout the rest of the school. If it's a funfetti cupcake, you might as well consider yourself royalty in my book. Head of the class!
Cupcakes are fucking awesome, are they not? Lauren and I went to this bakery this weekend that makes cupcakes that are good beyond reason, and she decided to pick up a box of them to give out to a few people. Roommates, co-workers, etc. The reactions were phrases like, "Oh my god, how much do I love you right now?", and "Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?" Save the fact that apparently she's not nice to someone she works with...it was overlooked by the cupcake and now that person doesn't give a shit because of this tasty little treat. Truly amazing stuff.
Think about it: it's a mini cake, complete with frosting and sometimes filling and it's JUST FOR YOU. No one ever expects you the share a cupcake because that would be ludicrous. Should anyone ever ask you for a bite of their cupcake, you're in the right to say NO WAY, PAL. They can get their own cupcake. Simple as that.
I encourage all of you that exist in the poor graces of another person to take the route of the cupcake to get back the good side of that individual. There's just no way that plan can fail. Word on the street is that the only reason Joe Torre has not been canned yet is because he brings big George a cupcake every time the Yanks lose. Hey, grumble if you must. But it makes total sense.
Never underestimate the power of a cupcake.
5 comments:
"Man, am I going to to throw a giant batch of tasty, moist, chocolately cupcakes in the oven right now!"
That's what I would be saying if I knew anything about baking.
cupcakes are alright especially if served cold. more importantly my fantasy basketball team named east cupcake was once ranked number 17 in the world out over 500,00 teams and this was late in the season.
therefore, cupcakes are great.
Amazing, East Cupcake? That's how my mom refers to places far, far away...apparently East Bumfuck is not in her repertoire.
My grandmother's last name is cunningham, upon her introduction to Grace at about the 18 month mark, cunningham was way to tough for that little mouth to pronounce and what was supposed to be "hello Nana Cunningham" came out, "hello Nana Cupcakes." Two things, our family obviously has an obsession with cupcakes in order for this word to already be a part of my wee one's vocabulary at 18 months. Secondly, my grandmother was already the sweetest person in the world, but with the title "Nana Cupcakes" she pretty much became enshrined in the Nana hall of fame. She loves it so much, she still to this day signs all of her cards, "Nana Cupcakes". Cupcakes rule but Funfetti cupcakes rule tyranically, they "rule hardcore".
-Gilbert
i love the name 'nana cupcakes' because it sounds like her secret dirty porn name.
also, everyone gets cupcakes on their birthdays here at the gilberts. when's yours?
and finally, the FINAL date change is this coming sat, the 26th. bring the sun.
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