07 March 2008

What Color Is Your Parachute?

Better question: what gauge is the rope you use to strangle people? I gotta tell you, I've had some really vivid imagery lately...in terms of how I might go about maiming a few of the people that I work with. It's just that my mind has been working overtime today and I've had several urges to go postal.

One thing that I fantasize about often is taking a colleague of mine from the back of his head and proceed to pound his face against the keyboard on his desk, as I watch the screen type "bgyukyuk" over and over with each impacting thrust. I imagine doing this four or five times, real quick-like, then putting him back in place in his swivel chair. I turn back towards my cube and fix my cuffs and say "Now, can a guy get a fucking cup of coffee around here?"

Another one I have is less violent and involves another individual that irks me on a daily basis...usually more than once in a day. I go over to his cubicle area when he's on the phone with a client and pick up his monitor very deliberately and then wind up throw it as hard as I can into the adjacent wall. I look at him after this and say "Next time, it's your motherboard, motherf*cker."

My office anger goes far beyond the usual PC Load Letter anger. I don't care to deliver a body blow to the printer in the copy room, nor do I wish to jab my right fist clear through the slim monitor I am currently watching as I type.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Seek help.

Anonymous said...

What he said....but quickly,. man!

Jum said...

And I heard you've been having problems with your TPS reports...didn't you get that memo?