I Have What's Known As The Wheel

Wheel of Fortune really stresses me out sometimes. I had this discussion with Carl last night, referring to the selection of vowels within Wheel puzzles. Often times, we'll be watching and some idiot will buy all the vowels after it's blatantly clear as to what the answer to the puzzle is, thus wasting several hundred dollars for no good reason. I know that people buy vowels early on in rounds so they can open up the board and buy a few more seconds to get a read on the puzzle. But I swear, some of these people are quite obviously perfectly aware of what the answer is and they excitedly keep buying vowels...almost like they just want to prove to everyone else that they really do know the answer. It's absurd and it drives me up a wall.

We also noted last night that even after several decades of working together on a daily basis, Pat and Vanna still have extremely awkward conversations from time to time. For instance, last night...

Pat: "So do your kids bring their lunches to school or what?"

Vanna: "Oh no, they buy their lunches at school."

Pat: "Right, because you don't cook, do you? Can you cook?"

Vanna: "Well, I make chicken and dumplings. That's about it."

Pat: "Dumplings? Huh. That sounds good, how do you make those dumplings?"

Vanna: "I open the can and put them on a tray."

Pat: "Canned dumplings?"

Vanna: "Yeah."

Pat: "Really?"

Vanna: "Yeah."

Pat: "Ok then."

Fantastic. I'm so glad that Vanna loves to continually point out that her job requires not one modicum of intelligence, nor does she possess one. I'm willing to bet that her idea of 'cooking' chicken involves warming up a bucket of extra-tasty-crispy from KFC. She already mailed it in with the dumplings...no way she's going through the process of battering and deep frying chicken. How bright can she really be? Her job is to turn over whatever letters light up in front of her, smile, and laugh at Pat's jokes. I'm also willing to bet that she needs to be prompted to laugh when Sajak cracks a joke because she can't tell the difference...although that may not be her fault entirely. I've always wondered what is going through her head as the letters light up...

Oooh, there's one! Oooh, another one! Gosh, they're so bright when they light up! Look, there's a V in this one! My name starts with V! I like this game.

I guess I'm being a little rough on America's beloved Vanna. Perhaps I'm a bit jealous of her occupation and subsequent life of luxury all because she can walk and recognize something that lights up at the same time. For all intents and purposes, you win, Vanna. You win.