Anagram Slam Jam

Amidst a flurry of Ray Allen silky-smooth J's last night during the C's-Sonics game, Doc Rivers decided to pull a little nifty name-game with Ray-Ray...here's what may have gone through his head as he watched Allen taking over:

Hmm...how can I stop Ray Allen...how can I-Oh shit, what if I put Allen Ray on him? I'm pretty sure that if anyone can stop Ray Allen, it's the guy who has the opposite name. Wow, and they want to fire me here? I'm a fucking genius.

Thus, Allen Ray entered and virtually shut Allen down and the C's went on to win by 15. This marked the first victory by the C's in a game that I've been at in nearly 2 seasons, but I have to say that no matter the outcome of the game, there's never a shortage of fun to be had at the Garden. For one, the gritty, pasty Brian Scalabrine will never leave you short of emotion at a game. Whether your cheering his hustle, ogling his stroke from downtown, ogling his remarkably unathletic physique, steaming at his inability to look like a basketball player-much less play like one-or laughing at all of the above, he's entertaining. The guy in front of us loved our commentary...

"Ohhh, come on Scal! You're better than that."

-or-

"Doc! Get Scal OUT OF THE GAME! NOW!"

-or-

"Whoa, who was that awkward looking white man burying a j in your eye? It was Scal. Mhm."

Closing thought on the C's game...Petro for the Sonics has the biggest feet ever. EVER.

As we all know, the brackets were released yesterday evening. I just read through Bob Ryan's synopsis of the seedings and it's pretty clear that 'Bracketology' and all the hype surrounding it is not his favorite subject. Don't bother reading that article from today's Globe is all I'm saying. But I'm sure you all heard Boeheim crying about 'Cuse not getting in, but you can't go 3-7 against the RPI top 50. There's not much more to say about that. Xavier got in, which infuriates me because that would suggest that all Umass had to do was beat St. Louis in the 2nd round of the A-10 Tournament and they'd probably be in. Instead they'll face an underachieving Alabama team in the NIT. Listen, take a look at the NIT brackets if you haven't yet. There are some pretty intriguing matchups in there: Drexel v. NC State, K-State v. Vermont and Bradley v. Providence...not to mention a final game that could very well pit West Virginia against Clemson...the same Clemson that started the season as the last undefeated team in the country at 17-0. There's a gut-wrencher for Tiger fans.

I love incentive -laden contracts. The signing of Dante Stallworth this weekend could turn out to cost the Pats 3.6 million dollars for the 2007 season but only if he does what we want him to do: be a #1 receiver, act like it and play like it. Rosenhaus' drawn-up contract is a work of art, especially if you're Stallworth. This guy now plays for a the AFC favorite to represent the conference in SB XVII, he'll be lead on the field by the best QB in the game (and the one with most potent semen) and he's going to be playing in Foxborough where, if he succeeds and plays hard, he will be adored by week 4 of the preseason. Not a bad deal and that's not even mentioning what he stands to make in '08 if he has a good year in 2007. The guy is only 26 and he really has nothing to lose in my opinion. He has been given a golden ticket to Belichick's chocolate factory...as long he doesn't pull an Augustus and get stuck sucking, he should be a good fit here.

I watched a bit of Good Will Hunting this weekend and it got me thinking; what the hell does one have to do to be brought up on a mayhem charge? Mayhem is some pretty bad shit as far as I know, but all I can think of is some dude running around with a bandanna and bullet-proof clothing, lighting everything in sight on fire, blowing shit up and yelling really loudly. That would be absolute mayhem, wouldn't it now? Can someone tell me what would translate into being brought in for mayhem? Also, try using the word 'corpuscle' in your everyday vocabulary today. For instance, if you get a sandwich at lunch, ask for a corpuscle of mayonnaise.

Here's my Final Four:

Wisconsin v. Kansas

Texas v. Ohio State

Kansas will beat the Badgers and Texas will beat the Buckeyes (as Durant shows Oden who the best freshman in the country and best player in the country is) and we see a rematch of that awesome Big 12 Championship in the National Title Game.