A Little Slice of...Pizza?

Thanks to Hammen for the little slice of inspiration for this particular entry...check out his entry from today for clarification.

Assuming you're a sports fan, you've probably seen the clip of the fan at Fenway hurling his whole slice of pie at another fan during the Angel game two days ago. From what we're shown, the aggravated pizza-thrower is upset with another fan for some unknown reason. What we do know is that the guy who got hit with the slice has just misplayed a foul ball but successfully deterred Garrett Anderson from snagging the fly himself. Kudos to him for that, shame on him for losing a whole beer in the process.

I find the following to be beyond reason when analyzing this event. One, what exactly was the issue between the two fans? If they're both Sox fans, this interruption of Anderson going for the foul ball should be applauded; certainly no pizza should have been slung at him. Second, there are very few incidents at a Sox game that should warrant the classic food toss in the direction of another fan. Those few incidents include any and all fans donning Yankee garb within the Fenway confines, as well as any drunken asshole who can't keep his mouth shut during the National Anthem. That's just blatant disregard for a tradition that is sacred to so many. I can think of a couple other scenarios that would fit in here, all of which include A-Rod. You figure it out.

So let's play the other side of this here and assume that the pizza-thrower was an Angel fan. Maybe he's pissed that the other fan disallowed Anderson from making this catch, but under no circumstances can you act this way in another team's yard. You're outnumbered by 37,000 or so here. On the contrary, if the guy breaking up the play were an Angel fan at Fenway and it was Manny going into the stands to make the catch, fire away. I would expect to see far more than pizza in the air in this case. But I digress...if we assume this pizza guy was an Angel fan, he's got to consider the bigger picture surrounding the foul ball fiasco. Look pal, your team is down big, Beckett is looking virtually unhittable at that point (although he's probably done for the day being that it's the bottom of the 7th) and it's late in the game. Moreover, you probably got that slice before the 7th inning stretch, also known as the last time you can buy concessions at Fenway before they start shutting things down. If that was your last shot at sustenance, you've successfully foregone food until after the game and chances are, the line at the Sausage Guy is gonna be 100 deep by the time you stumble over there. Smarten up.

This whole situation is just outrageous. It can all be attributed, more than likely, to the hilarious effects of alcohol at sporting events. I am quite impressed with the fan who was hit, though. He showed no ill feelings about the pizza beaning. He was all smiles after the whole deal occurred, even having the spirit to give a buddy the obligatory point afterwards. He casually wiped off the pie residue from his fleece and resumed the Fenway experience. Well played, if you ask me.
Let's take a look at some alternatives to pizza in a situation that bears tossing a food item at someone during a game.

1. Beer.

I don't recommend this one, because you're throwing $7 out the window as soon as the cup leaves your hand. But as far as damage, this is an effective choice because with good aim, you can totally douse your target, depending on how full the cup was upon release.

2. Peanuts.

These don't offer much in the way of messiness, but they're probably the most effective in the way of velocity and accuracy. If you can pinpoint that sonofabitch's eyeball and fire a laser at him, he's gonna respect you. Further, if you choose to hurl a handful of nuts at him, you can then yell "have some nuts, bitch", and then enjoy a good laugh at his expense.

3. Fenway Frank.

There's nothing quite as amusing as a a hotdog in flight. Add some mustard, onions, relish, ketchup, kraut, whatever...and this is a white shirt's worst nightmare. An excellent choice.

So you see, there are better options out there for the fan that needs to project food in the direction of another fan at a sporting event. But do yourself a favor: make a good throw and keep that elbow in close. You don't want to be all over YouTube throwing like a little girl.