Worth Its Weight In Water

Water is very heavy. For instance, I got on the scale this morning and weighed in at a solid 185lbs. I then peed, showered and stepped back on the scale. Weight: 182lbs. I never really thought about the weight of a full bladder, but according to wikipedia, a gallon of water weighs over 8 lbs. 8lbs! So I had roughly a third of a gallon of piss in me when I woke up this morning. I guess water must be pretty heavy if we float in it...unless we're absent of oxygen.

Moving onto another topic that involves water, I've been drinking my requisite 128oz of water per day since I started running again. I haven't had this much transparent piss since the famous Case Race of 1999 on the 4th floor of Cance Hall, Umass. I mean, I'm urinating at astronomical clips. And they're all of the cathartic variety, too. You know how sometimes you think you really have to go and you rush to the bathroom, unzip and...and...and...and...drip...drip, drip...drip, drip, drip... Then you get back to your desk and sit down, only to have the final several drops of piss discharge down your leg. This is especially bad when wearing shorts.

Water is pretty cool, though. And useful. I used to be a big proponent of water parks when I was a kid. On all those motorhoming trips to the lovely southern US, we made our way to a few of these parks. My favorite still stands as River Country at Disney World. They had this one water ride that consisted of a tube circuit that you entered sans foam board or something of the like...just you and the plastic tube with water rushing all around you. You hauled ass down the circuit and then it went dark towards what you eventually find out is the end. You begin to see light ahead and all of a sudden, you're airborne and plummeting several feet (it seemed like 30' back then, but it was maybe 10-15') to a deep pool below. I cannot imagine for the life of me why I was allowed to ride this thing, but boy was I thankful.

Here's something else I am thankful for: not being the chosen one in high school gym class to receive the obligatory golden shower after class. I was in a gym class with mostly jocks, but there was this one kid, a pre-pubescent late bloomer, who had the unfortunate distinction of being known as the bald eagle amongst the boys in the class. We had a community-type shower room, with about 12 shower heads in a square. We all had to shower per gym class rules, and without fail, the bald eagle would get the golden shower every time. I admit that I laughed at the time. I never peed on him...there was only one kid who administered the pee bath. He, as you might have guessed, was a complete douchebag. But there was something unmistakably funny about seeing a kid get peed on as he lathered his head up with shampoo; pee-infused shampoo, that is. I believe it's called Pantene Pro-Pee. Heyoooooo.

Hey, what's the story with the saying 'It's water under the bridge'? Is that supposed to mean that you just don't notice it anymore? Or it's passed by, like water under a bridge might do? This phrase is employed when you might have done something bad to someone a while back and you see them again, and when the incident is brought up, the guy tells you that it's water under under the bridge. What might the saying be if he was still irked by the incident? Fire under the bridge? Thus, the bridge is going to eventually catch fire, burn down and send you and him hurdling into a pit of death flames? Maybe there's non-viscus oil under the bridge. No flow...so it's still there and plainly visible. It doesn't pose any imminent threat, but perhaps he's wants to toss you into the oil a watch you try to swim out of it. In this way, the incident wouldn't be out of his mind at all, but he's kind of not pissed anymore. But he might get pissed. Food for thought, nonetheless.

Let's visit the notion Jesus turning water into wine for a quick second. I can see this being a problem for some people if he used his alcoholic alchemy in the wrong situation. Maybe he mistook AA for Alchemists Anonymous and consequently sent dozens of people back into rehab with his little trick. Or in a mixup on the sidelines at a soccer match, he turned the cups of water into wine on account of the coach exclaiming that he needed a drink after his team gave up a few quick goals. Imagine being parched after running for 20 minutes straight, only to have bitter wine hit your throat in place of water. No good. Methinks it easy enough to purchase wine from a liquor store when needed, rather than have it conjured up from what would originally be water. I can't imagine that wine would be any good, anyway. I mean, it's not grape juice. But I guess that would eliminate the mystique of the whole thing.

Well, that's just about enough garbage for this Friday. I'd like to welcome Dunny to the blogger community and hey, perhaps he'll be starting his own adventure in blogging before long. As for me, I'm gonna go turn my water into urine.