Destination: Niagara Falls, NY, aka Buffalo/Grand Island.
Objective: see the falls, eat some wings and celebrate our initiation into the elite club of cross country adventurers. Well, maybe for me. This is Lauren's 2nd movement but the first apparently offered as much fun and sightseeing as a trip to the proctologist. Although, perhaps the proctologist might beg to differ on the sightseeing issue...
We arrived in gloomy Niagara Falls around 2:30pm after a simply gorgeous drive across 90 West through NY. Ok, gorgeous might be a tad exaggerated. Deplorable might be a better term here. 90 W on the NY Thruway is nothing short of painful. The only saving grace is that some of the rest stops offer Starbucks, which is nice. Other than that, it's been my least favorite stretch of road travelled. That has now changed...more on that to follow in the latter stages of the trip.
After trying to check into the Crowne Plaza in downtown Niagara prematurely, we staked out in the lobby bar and ordered up wings and beer. One great thing about upstate NY is the cheapness of Molson Canadian. I, for one, love this beer. It's light, relatively flavorless and totally refreshing. Perfection. The wings were solid. Nothing you'd go crawling back for, but a nice effort for a hotel bar, all be it in BUFFALO. I thought wings were supposed to be the shit up there? Guess we went to the wrong place.
Ok, onto the Falls. I will say that the Falls themselves are just beautiful. The sheer power of the thousands and thousands of tons of water that pour over the falls every second is something to see, for sure. The way things are set up, you can really walk to any vantage point (which you'll see in the upcoming photos) and get all the angles. We didn't make it onto the Maid of the Mist, which is the much heralded boat ride that takes you to the very mouth of the falls and exposes its riders to the pelting mists created by the crashing waters. We watched several of these boats transport people to and fro and it looked like a great time. We opted to cross the border into Canada to enjoy the limitless pleasantries and boundless beauty that is Ontario.
The Canadian side is basically a giant, seedy amusement park that rivals the Santa Monica pier...only a much dirtier and far less enjoyable experience. What we witnessed was some kind of cross between a monster truck rally and a Cindi Lauper concert but without good music. The only music you hear is the circus-themed bullshit as you walk by the Ripley's Believe It Or Not, watching the outpouring of oglers who probably haven't left their houses since 1984. Although, that was a good year. We tried to find a restaurant that was to our liking and eventually we settled on Subway. I'm sorry, but you really can't miss with Subway. You watch those fuckers make your sandwich and you can make absolutely sure they put on what you ask for. Plus the bread is fresh. Final bonus: Lauren and I can eat there for under $10. Sold.
After concluding our Canadian visit (side note: the US charges $.50 for re-entry...penny-pinching bastards) we ended the night with a little frozen custard. That shit is weird, man. We thought we'd be refreshing ourselves with something that resembled soft serve, but we were wrong. The stuff tastes ok for a minute but it's way too rich and it just feels unnatural. Plus, it doesn't melt. It merely warms over but maintains its shape and form. Two points for cleanliness factor, one hundred points for weirdness factor. We will not be eating frozen custard ever again. Oh, and for those in Ohio that refer to frozen custard as an Eastern treat, you can stop that blasphemy right now. Soft serve is what we eat in the east, not your bullshit custard.
Overall, I give Niagara a 6.5 on a scale of 1-10. To recap, the Falls are amazing and they account for all 6.5 points of the rating. The rest of that area may as well be burned, for all I care.
Please enjoy some shots of the Falls and stay tuned for Part II, That Toddlin' Town.
I'm having trouble with the photos...a separate post is in order. Sorry for the inconvenience.
-Le Management
3 comments:
Niagara Falls is OK for kids and "old" folks (comme moi). For young lovers, it's nice to see the falls, but nothing else there is worth the stop. On to Chitown, mon homme!
I was half expecting your better half to have a barrel waiting for you. You go in the barrel, barrel goes into water, water takes barrel over falls...
At the Ripley's house do they have anything about the barrel people? I don't know what they were expecting to do in a barrel...not get crushed? Although Niagara seems pretty dirty, good experience. Plus I have no desire to try custard
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