You're about to get the carrots, celery and green onions in the following soup-esque blog. It'll have some basic ingredients but in the end, they'll all come together to form some sort of cohesive entry that may or may leave a good taste in your mouth; depending on who you are and what you be.
Today is as follows: It's a veritable snow globe out there. Ipso facto, I feel as though I'm trapped in a snow globe as some douche bag little kid continually shakes the thing vigorously. But I'm not dizzy...as I might be if I was in fact inside a shaken snow globe. Today's Nor'easter didn't hit at the right time for me. Had it been a little shittier when I left the gym this morning, I may have been able to justify a snow day. However, there just wasn't enough on the ground for that to be ok. Nonetheless, plenty of people from my office didn't show up, claiming they'd 'work from home'. I love this. Granted, I can probably be found guilty of the same things but so far today, those who 'worked from home' have replaced 'work' with 'watched soap operas and ate junk food', as well as 'played with self' and 'picked nose'. Working from home in terms of snow days is a farce. Just call in and be honest. I mean, for one thing, you won't be deemed a big liar by your peers when we eventually find out that you're not working at all. You'll more than likely be revered for saying you'll be doing absolutely nothing all day and that we shouldn't bother to contact you.
Has it been a while since my last post? I know its been a fairly significant amount of time since I've written when my father emails me that it's time to post something. I have realized that most of my blog posts consist of several ideas that never really warranted an entry of their own; thus, they become part of a mirepoix.
I've just devised a foolproof plan to make money. Hatch, a guy I work with, stopped over and said he is seriously thinking about making a t-shirt that shows a pickle inside a circle with a line through it...he hates pickles, and thinks he could sell a t-shirt stating this same feeling and people would buy it. I love pickles, so I offered to him that if I made a t-shirt that said "I love pickles", it would be more profitable. So maybe we can make both and ensure that there would be a market for at least one of the t-shirts. I am of the school of thought that more people love pickles than hate them. What say you? Might I point out that both Lauren and I drank the juice from a container of cornichons this weekend....and it wasn't my idea. Thus, we invented the cornichontini, which is a dirty martini with the juice from cornichons instead of olives.
Another product of this weekend/conversations with Lauren was the collective realization the blessing someone after a sneeze is just ridiculous. I was reluctant to post this part because I recently found out that Dane Cook has a bit on this very thing...but fuck it. I'm not a big Dane Cook fan anyway. So apparently Lauren has always kind of had an issue with blessing people following a sneeze and after talking about it yesterday, I have to agree. And the way I see it, should we therefore be offering some sort of pardon or blessing after a fart? A cough? A burp? On one hand, I think the world would probably be a better place if a fart were a socially forgivable offense, like a sneeze is. I know I'd be a lot happier...I wouldn't constantly have to hold in my gas and take the occasional trip to the men's room, just to pass the built-up gas. I gotta say, most dudes in the men's room don't feel good about the guy who comes in, farts and leaves.
If you don't want to read about football, skip this paragraph. Let me start off by saying that the playoffs were shaped up to feature the 4 best QB's in the league in the championship games: Brady v. Manning II and Romo v. Favre. (I only say 'II' for Brady-Manning because of the AFC title game last season) I was pulling for those matchups and I was let down. I hate the Giants, especially Eli Manning. He doesn't belong in the NFC championship game...I'm not even sure he belongs as a starter on any team in this league. Sure, I haven't seen him play all that much, but I really don't like him and that's enough, in my opinion. Romo played well, but not well enough...especially for the investment that was made in him by the Cowboys. As I've said from the very beginning, this guy is NOT what most people say he is. He's a serviceable quarterback, but he's not a superstar and he's not the 3rd best QB in the league. He's got some serious talent around him and the Cowboys should have handled the Giants. I can't see him taking that team to the pinnacle of pro football. I just can't. That being said, Tom Brady. I'm not going to toot the Pats horn here, but I feel it necessary to mention Brady. Again. His performance on Saturday was (insert adjective synonymous with tremendous here). There, I've created my first mad lib.
That's all I've got today.
9 comments:
I whole heartedly agree with the 'bless you' following a sneeze. Especially being a non believer, I find it hard to 'bless' someone when all they did was jettison some snot and dust.
The problem now is it's become a social courtesy to say it after someone sneezes. If you don't say it you sometimes get the 'well, at least someone said it' when another person says it for you.
We need to come up with some other saying as gazuntite just doens't cut it, either. That's just gibberish and I don't know how to spell it.
My mad lib for Brady: godlike
If I may, I thought that the whole "bless you" thing was a hold-ver from the days of the bubonic plague when folks were afraid that a sneeze might be the harbinger of the death that might be to come (which might be related to the German "gesundheit," or "good health"), although I think coughing rather than sneezing would be the early warning sign, or an antiquated view that sneezing was associated with demonic possession.
Perhaps you were sleeping in elementary school when we were taught that when a person sneezes his heart skips a beat. Blessing someone after they sneeze is a way of saying, "Your heart didn't stop after that skip, so God must have blessed you." Perhaps when you kids grow up and become less self-centered, you'll realize that there are forces out there bigger than yourselves and that blessing someone after they sneeze is actually an act of kindness, an acknowledgement of sorts that says, "I'm so glad you're still alive." Don't get so hung up on the God part of it; that just shows your ignorance and intolerance. Let's practice being more compassionate.
I have been recently informed of the heart thing in regards to the sneeze...but still, it's a bodily function. The fact that it used to be a harbinger of death is awesome, though. Nothing like the black plague to brighten your day.
I'm guessing the anonymous comment is you, Gilbert, because it sounds like you. Theretofore, fuck you. How about that? And next time you sneeze, think of me saying "fuck you" instead of "may God bless you". Maybe you should read a little more closely, because I didn't mention the God part of it once...where you have pointed out that I "got hung up on it". Why don't you get hung up on a gallows. How's that for being more compassionate?
Saying 'bless you' after someone sneezes isn't being compassionate. If you want to be compassionate go volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen or donate half your salary to the Make a Wish Foundation.
The 'bless you' response is just automatic for a lot of people and I think we are correct in questioning it's validity. Besides has anyone actually died from sneezing? Ever?
Therefore I second the gallows remark by French. Well done.
Apparently, everyone got hung up on the "bless you" issue. Nobody even bothered to chime in on whether or not they like pickles. Can't predict a winner if nobody votes. As for me, I like pickles and would NEVER wear a t-shirt showing a pickle in a RED circle with a line through it. That's just wrong!!
As for the saying "bless you" after a sneeze, I know I almost always say it to the sneezer. I never really thought about what it may or may not connote. People blessed have always responded with a polite "thank you", so I took that to mean they were not offended. People would most certainly be offended if one farted in a public place, even if the farter offered a "pardon me" in response to the passing of wind. As for the origin of "bless you", I have heard of all of the previous suggestions at some time. I don't know where, when or why the tradition actually began, but it always seemed to me to be the "right" thing to say to someone who sneezes. There does not HAVE to be any ulterior motive for saying it and I would guess that the majority of sayers only say it out of habit.
My "mad lib" for Tom Brady: Fantasmagorical
From GILBERT:
French, this is Gilbert. That comment was not mine. First of all it wasn't witty, charming, handsome, wonderful and honestly didn't really make a whole lot of sense. Who ever wrote that comment is a total quack- a spineless one at that (at least I put my name). I have to admit that I tried getting through your blog today and I fell asleep four times after trying to get through the first three sentences. In frustration I went straight to the comments because they are written by other people, other people that are not you, and ipso facto (as I read four times) I don't fall asleep when I read the comments. So fucko, fuck you too bitch. The person that wrote that comment questioned your intelligence which I think is a huge blunder. I think you are supremely intelligent. It's your common sense that I continually question. The person who wrote that comment obviously believes everything they were taught in school, which honestly is a little scary. So no buddy ol' pal, I can't take credit for the person that called you ignorant and then decided to spell every word wrong in their comment. Thanks for thinking so highly of me though shit face. Next time, don't put me to sleep with your empty ramblings.
The problem with the 'I love pickles' shirt is the built in homosexual overtones. It's like buying a Randall Gay jersey - you may appreciate the player, but no self respecting straight guy is going to buy one.
I hate YOU and don't think YOU belong as the starter of any team. Hows that. We Giants fans are used to all the haters saying shit when we overachieve. Eli has been nothing short of phenomenal in the playoffs. Silencing critics left and right. I can't wait until LT runs all over you guys. The Pats losing in the playoffs is going to make my year. I can't believe you would sit there on your undefeated throne and make comments about my under dog team making a run in the playoffs. Please tea-bag me. Also, your heart does not skip a beat when you sneeze. In olden days, a sneeze was looked at as someone who was possessed expelling the devil inside them. Hence the god bless you. Mad Lib for Brady: metro gay fag boy about to be ousted from the playoffs.
Post a Comment