Interesting comments thus far regarding Urinal Etiquette and the multitude of quandaries that we, as men, are presented with daily.
Another thing I failed to mention about the three urinals in my office is that the one on the far right smells like a piece of haddock that's been sitting out in the summer sun for three days. But I'm drawn to it because the one on the far left doesn't have a splash guard (more to come on these fucking things) so I choose to hold my nose but keep my pants dry.
D-Lo, I can't explain the 45° angle at the urinal. But I have to think that this dude has a bit of stage fright when it comes to emptying the old tank in public. He wants to make absolutely sure that not a sole on this earth can see his peter, much less see him pee. It's weird as hell, though. For sure.
Ok, onto urinal splash guards and why the fuck man can't seem to find a viable way to avoid the urine bouncing back and spraying a man's slacks. The thing that I find to be most confusing is the layout of the guard in the urinal. It's almost always just over the drain in the urinal, making it so you have make sure your stream is pointed straight down at all times. Now, I don't know about you but my trajectory totally varies on a day-to-day basis. If I'm not guiding it, it can go straight down on some days and straight ahead on another. Thus, a splash guard that covers both angles would be great. And I've seen these from time to time and I applaud those urinal manufacturers that use these types of guards. But not nearly enough of you manufacturers do and it's alarming. Here's what happens to me nine times out of ten when I use a new urinal. I take a very basic, bare bones inventory of the unit upon entering the latrine. As long as everything seems pretty normal, I let fly and, as I've mentioned is my norm, look skyward and either whistle or just close my eyes and enjoy the evacuation. The problem is, most of the time I haven't taken a comprehensive enough inventory and I overlook the fact that the splash guard isn't where I'm peeing. I go to zip up and half of the urine is festively decorating the upper part of my slacks.
Why can't all urinals just be lined all around with some sort of foamy piece of material that absorbs the piss? Like a spongy thing that doesn't allow any splashing? Is that too much to ask? I have to figure out how to get the piss out of the sponge so that it doesn't fester...not sure about how that can work from a logistical standpoint but surely there can be some sort of action when you flush that presses the sponge and releases the pee. Feel free to expound on this if it behooves you.
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6 comments:
urinals at the hard rock in vegas are lined with a sort of velcro that prevents splash back
Velcro? Piss velcro? Vegas thinks of everything!
My personal nemesis are those old fashioned urinals that go all the way to the floor. You know the ones that have the same guards, but you can't stand too close or you'll be pissing on your shoes? Fucking hate those.
I also remember old Foxboro stadium having one long, huge trough that guys would piss en masse into. That was fun.
Long, trough-like urinals....hmmmm. I remember Fenway park had those. I always hated them. It was kind of like using an outhouse - the smell!!! As for splash-guards, I don't worry too much about them these days. When you guys get older and have to deal with BPH, you'll see what I mean. Sometimes I wish my pee would splash back. That way, I'd know immediately that I was successful in emtying the old bladder. It's tough when you have a very strong urge to urinate, get to the Men's Room, then have to stand there for a minute or so waiting for the stream to start. Then, for no reason, it stops again and you end up forcing it out so hard that you fart loudly enough that you swear they'll hear you down the hall!!! That may explain the guy French mentioned who moaned and groaned through his urination. Maybe he was talking about me!?!?!?
I enjoy the trough urinals filled with ice, mainly because I like to see how much ice I can melt. It's a fun little game I like to play.
In Europe, most urinals have a fly painted on, and if you aim at this fly, you receive zero splashback. It's fantastic. It's about two inches up and to the right of where the water rests.
We are all greensy-weensy here in the NW and thus have a high proportion of "waterless" urinals, wherein you can pee directly into the drain without hitting porcelain or water. The urinals at UW say on them how much water they save. It's been awhile since I've peed there, so I can't recall the exact number but I can tell you that it is quite remarkable, perhaps enough to fill a Miguel Cabrera-sized bathtub.
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