Close Encounter of the First Kind

***This entry is dedicated to the wonderful Cindi Goldstein, without whom this encounter would not have been possible***

There's a first time for everything, isn't there? In my case, there's a one and only time for what I experienced out in Malibu/Pacific Palisades, CA last week. This is one of those relationship-defining moments where, following it, nothing can really be considered weird or off limits anymore. In terms of breaking down walls or things of that nature, this would fall under the category of utter annihilation of walls and all things attached to and surrounding them. Disintegration of walls.

After a nice and casual lunch just off the Pacific Coast Highway in the Palisades, Cindi (Lauren's mom, has appeared in the blog a few times prior to) and I elected to go up to the family's house and see the dogs, chat further, spend a little more time together in general. To give you an idea of my relationship with Cindi up until this point, it had pretty much been an easy transition into a friendship from the start. We managed to avoid any real weirdness the first night we met, when upon being left alone very early on in the process, we engaged in a conversation about the future Notre Dame savior, Jimmy Clausen. At that time he was only a commitment, but Cindi had seen him play a while back against her youngest son Tito. Turns out that Jimmy was a few years older than the other boys he was playing with and against, making him look like Tom Brady out there. I digress, though...the point is, we dove into some interesting conversation from the start and never looked back.

Future moments would include dinners, drinking at local watering holes, and learning from Cindi that Jewish women are especially adept at...how do I put this...let's say making their male partner happy? I'll leave it there. But you get the point...no censors with her and I love that. I don't like to watch what I say, and I certainly have a flare for saying the inappropriate at the most inopportune times. All of this being said, none of it would ultimately prepare me for what was to transpire following our lunch that afternoon.

After some light conversation about various things, something happened that would forever change the course of potential-future-mother-in-law/daughter's boyfriend relationships everywhere. Or, at least for me and Lauren's mom. As we sat at the table chatting, she rose from her chair and approached me.

"I need you to do something for Lauren. You have to feel my expanders and tell her what they feel like."

Since I momentarily blacked out when this was posed to me, I probably said one of two things. It was either "Whoa, you want me to feel you up and tell your daughter what it was like???", or "(gulp)...Gagagoogoo." That would be gibberish, since I would have no idea what to say in that situation. But gagagoogoo seems most appropriate.

To give some more background here, Cindi has expanders for her future breast implants, which will be a result of a double mastectomy, which was a result of breast cancer. She has bravely fought through the chemotherapy and surgery and now it's the stage where these expanders are inserted to make room in there for her new "girls", as she referred to them during one of our conversations. These expanders felt like she had stones under her shirt, or small mounds of cement. They feel utterly uncomfortable and intrusive, but apparently they're not so bad. I guess after all that she's been through, nothing can really be all that uncomfortable, even having your daughter's boyfriend feel your boobs...or the place where your boobs will eventually be.

All in all, it was an experience that I will never forget and it most certainly falls under the category of 'Things I Never Thought I'd Get To Do In Life". But I am very, very thankful that I have the kind of relationship with her that I do and I wouldn't have it any other way.