Leases on Life

I've decided it's time to revert back to that tangential-esque thinking that got me started on this blog in the first place. You know...short, punchy quips with absolutely no point whatsoever.

I got up at 4:30 this morning (due in part to a slight hangover) and decided that sleeping was a futile effort. So I showered and walked to Starbucks around the corner. Pretty typical stuff for me, in terms of morning activities but even more so now that I got a $25 gift card from my brother Mike for Christmas. Thanks, buddy. No, seriously. Good gift. Anyway, as I stood waiting for my coffee and breakfast sandwich, it occurred to me just how much I hate the phrase "new lease on life".

Generally, this phrase is relegated to those who suddenly change something drastically in his or her life. Maybe they have this great new job, or this great new significant other, or this great new drug habit...who knows, could be one of many things. And when this shift occurs, you might hear someone's mom utter the phrase "hmm, sounds like he/she's got a new lease on life".

"Yeah, for sure he does. He got a sweet deal on an 18-month term but I'm concerned that once this lease is up, he'll revert right back to his old ways of panhandling on the streets of LA and eating meals consisting solely of crack and throw-away bear claws from Yum Yum."

A new lease on life...why is it a lease? A lease is finite. It has a definite beginning and more importantly, a definite end. It suggests just what I've alluded to in the interjection above...that at some point, the lease will be up and renewal will not be possible. Why don't we say a new "mortgage" on life? That way, there's at least the possibility of paying it off and eventually owning that life. If we choose to make another change, we can simply "refinance" this "mortgage" on our life and do something different. Because it's not a lease, you see. It's a mortgage, and it's an equitable proposition. It's an investment in one's future, is it not? And theretofore, shouldn't pretty much everything we choose to do or not to do be classified as an investment into our futures? My morning coffee is an investment into my very near future, ensuring I'll have that quick burst of fake energy that it takes to walk my lazy ass back to my apartment, no more than 200 yards away. This is where I choose not to give seventy-one more examples of inane activities that are preposterously alleged to be "investments" into my future.

Ahh...feels good to write a bunch of nonsense again.